Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Say What You Need to Say

This is one time of year I look forward to. Even though it is wet and rainy today the wind is mild and spring fills your nostrils with the promise of things to come. You can almost feel your body relaxing from it's constant bucking of the cold of the last few weeks.

Ok, look, I was going to go on for a bit more about the weather getting warmer and the rites of spring; you know, baseball's spring training, hikes on mushy trails to observe the rebirth of life in the woods, coloring Easter eggs - all the good stuff about life's ups and downs and how no matter how bleak the winter seems at times, we survive.

It seems though I suddenly have other things on my mind.

For those not in the know, I am currently involved in a production of Eugene O'Neill's A Moon for the Misbegotten. I have the role of James Tyrone, a character based on O'Neill's brother Jamie. Haunted by his mother's death, James is a jaded alcoholic on the verge of drinking himself to death. He is the landlord of a shabby farm in Connecticut where the action takes place. As a gambler and actor on Broadway he has spent many a drunken night in the company of tarts and gold diggers. He yearns for a relationship with Josie the daughter of tenant farmer Phil Hogan, the only woman he really cares about. He cares so much though that he doesn't want her involved with someone as jaded and full of self loathing as he is.

Though there a few light moments, it all turns out to be pretty heavy stuff.

The director and I ended up talking after rehearsal the other night. We were talking about how people seem to do anything but communicate directly. He used the word obfuscate. How great it would be if people would just come out with it sometimes.

There are so many reasons we don't say what we want or need to sometimes. If I had to pin one word to it though, I'd have to say it's fear. Fear of lots of things, but it all starts within us. The fear of revealing what is really inside of us. How we feel. Don't want to let that mask, that eminence front, slip. Fear of confrontation, or letting someone down, or hurting someone, of taking a chance. Fear of being yourself.

But, how fair is that? How can you ever really know yourself; how can the important people in your life know you if you never really say what you need to say?

Say what you need to say. If you listen to that song by John Mayer it is almost like a mantra. In fact it was for me for a while. If ever I hear it now I still think what a cool think to be mindful of and cultivate. Don't you think it'd be better to get it out? Not bottle it up? How good can stuffing your thoughts and feelings be for you?

This is about the point in writing these posts where I feel like I'm going on and on. I always ask myself if anyone really needs to read more of me. On the other hand if you ever decide you just can't wait for my next post, you're in luck. I've added a few choices to Notes about how you can be notified each and every time there's a new post. I know, just breath through the excitement til you regain a little composure. If you look up top at the right hand side you'll notice there are a couple of ways to subscribe to Notes.

Just remember; we're all in this together.


1 comment:

  1. Are we? In it together, I mean. Sometimes it feels more like being a lone piece of drift wood floating downstream, relentlessly bouncing off everything the water crashes you into. Sometimes your approach is mad, blind, unexpected, violent, and alternatively, gentle, slow, turning you in circles... either way, languid or dynamic, you bounce off the banks, the rocks, downed trees and other immovable objects... swept away by a current that bypasses your intended target. Sometimes it's not about the fear, it just is.