Friday, August 31, 2012

Make Someone Happy?

  A friend on Facebook was bored the other night.  She had overheard someone saying the phrase, "Happy wife, happy life." and wanted to know what people thought about it.  I had heard it before and my first thought was that the quote obviously came from someone (a man I'm assuming) who is dissatisfied with their life or relationship.  I couldn't help myself.  I had to start speechafyin'.   

  In its simplest form the statement is true.  The essence of it.  If you are with someone you truly love, you wish to see them happy.  If the love of your life is happy, then yes you'll generally find yourself happy too.  Some of the happiest times I've had were in the simple moments of making someone happy.  Well, I suppose I should really say; when I did something and the other person allowed themselves to feel happy.     

  Crap!  Here comes all that convoluted hard stuff.  I hate when that happens.

  Look, if you punch somebody in the eye, they're mostly gonna be mad.  If I handed you the keys to a new car you'd probably be pretty happy. That's all shiny surface stuff though.  It's once you start veering off into all the different scenarios of personal relationships that it gets complicated.   

  The plain and simple fact is you can't make somebody else feel something.  Isn't it about choices we make?  Isn't it how we feel about ourselves at any moment that dictates how we interact with others.  You can't make somebody love you can you?  You can court and woo till the cows come home.  If the other person just isn't into it, you're sunk.  Much like if someone is unhappy with life or a situation you're going to have a tough time trying to make them happy.           

  If one is in a blissful relationship where each is their own person and there is true communication and all that, the phrase would never even enter someone's head.  In a very general sense if you're happy with yourself your partner will be happy.  If you're in the type of relationship that is so prevalent in today's world where people don't really know themselves or their partners, the idea of that question is probably ever on a man's mind.  No sex?  Gotta make her happy.  Cold and distant?  What did I do?  Gotta make her happy.  Divorce?  Crap!  Try and make her happy.  It's a cold wind that blows when it all gets that complicated.  

  That's where the self worth part comes in, isn't it.  If you don't love yourself enough to be yourself, how can a relationship survive?  We've all had to make compromises in a partnership, sure.  But if you can't be the person that you were at the start of things how can you or your partner ever find happiness?  You just can't find happiness always trying to make someone else happy.  If you're in a relationship where you keep seeing red flags because you're making too many changes, always just trying to make the other person happy; something's gotta change.  If you don't value yourself or the relationship enough to change that situation then blame and resentment will start creeping in.

 It's not that you can't go see that movie you don't want to to show somebody you love 'em.  Or buy those flowers, or whatever.  Those are important moments in a relationship.  It's showing you care.  You will indeed show the other person you want them to feel happy and loved.  Just do it because you want to and not because you think you have to.    

On the other hand, maybe someone just couldn't think of a word to rhyme with husband.

I suppose I could go on.  And on probably.  I won't though.  I've poked and prodded at this post long enough.  

Keep your stick on the ice.  We're all in this together.


1 comment:

  1. I have learned you cannot make another person change to do something you want him or her to do. If you think a boyfriend or girlfriend is suddenly going to change to suit your needs, do not expect them to. God bless.